I am sort of a spacy driver if I’m being honest. Neither cars nor driving interests me much; it is the opposite, actually. I am not a great passenger, either. Almost zero patience for traffic and an impressive 0-60 acceleration to bored, uncomfortable, and either delirious or cranky does not make me a great co-pilot.
But I drive, and I am easily irritated and restless most of the time. One thing I’ve noticed recently is the uptick in people honking impatiently almost before a red light switches to green. If you haven’t, you likely will now–apologies. I think I understand where this comes from – many of us are often simultaneously distracted (most often by our phones) and in a rush (because we have tried to cram too much in or can’t bear the way that room to breathe feels like a waste of time or a luxury we can’t afford). Understanding, in this case, didn’t make me any more tolerant, and I mostly met these honks with pretty much the same strident accusation and impatient blare with which they were delivered.
Then, one day, I began an experiment in what I called driving with grace. I started slowing down rather than speeding up at yellow lights, waving in rather than boxing out at the merge, making eye contact, and mouthing “thank you” whenever another driver was (even reluctantly) gracious. I just sat at red lights rather than trying to check a quick thing on my phone or change the podcast I was listening to. Every time I got behind the wheel, it became a kind of game, an opportunity to see how many little bits of grace I could inject into the spaces between cars and the relationships between drivers.
In addition to the anticipatable benefits – my nervous system is soothed by generosity and frayed by defensive irritation and frustration – I was surprised by some of the other consequences of my experiment in graceful driving. I became a calmer, more intentional, and frankly better driver. I was on time more and late less. Whether this was because constantly switching lanes when in traffic doesn’t make much of a difference or because offering space to others spilled over into allowing myself more room, I have no idea. I am unsure if my experiment was in graciousness, spaciousness, or something else altogether, but it feels like a success. I might try it out in some other contexts, and maybe you will, too.
xo Jill